Last Post -- Thankyou!

My long absence from the blogosphere you have probably guessed that this blog is prematurely to be discontinued.

Allow me to explain. I am still discerning; I began this 'journal', if you will, because I had no-one I felt I could talk to about my vocation and discernment of it (and may I say at this point, should anybody ever stumble upon this post, it is imperative to talk about your discernment -- preferably with a spiritual director, but if not just talk .. to someone). So I put my thoughts in blog-posts and you answered some of my questions. I couldn't be more grateful -- from what I have seen so far, the initial question is the hardest part of the discernment process.

However I have now moved forward in my discernment; you -- by your kind encouragements and advice -- helped over the first hurdle, but now I must go it alone. That might sound a little melodramatic, but what I mean is, I now have a spiritual director and am in correspondence with the prior of the Carmelite community I hope to join.

(Sorry for any cheesiness) but can I once again, thank everybody who has read these posts -- I didn't expect anyone to -- thanks to those who commented, or even prayed! I assure you, it wasn't in vain!

Its been so long since my regular posts here, I can hardly expect anyone to read this; but I didn't want to leave it without expressing my apreciation which is so great words can't decribe, so I'll sign off with one final quotation:

Prayer is a cry of gratitude and love, in the midst of trial as well as in joy. - St. Therese of the Child Jesus and the Holy Face

Happy Christmas, New Year, and Epiphany

Sorry I havn't written in ages; I went home for Christmas so while I was at home I wasn't on the computer very much except to do work. I wanted to thank you for the encouragement you have given me. Oakenknight, your last comment was very helpful, thankyou for telling me that its Ok to go slowly. By the way, yes I do wear the Scapular, its how I first found out about the Carmelites. Regarding spiritual direction, I've seen my priest once he is in Oxford but he says I can email or phone while I am away. When I go back I'll see him again. I asked about retreats but he said he'd look into it, thanks for the tip about Worth Abbey I'll check it out.
Brent (Fr Brent?): thanks for your advice and prayers, and congratulation on your ordination (better late than never).

So anyway, being at home it wasn't just that I never got on the computer, while I was there there were so many distractions that the whole business about vocations went to the back of my mind. I did think about it a little bit especially when we sung the words to the carol 'In the Bleak Midwinter' at midnight Mass:

What can I give Him, poor as I am?
If I were a shepherd, I would bring a lamb;
If I were a Wise Man, I would do my part;
Yet what I can I give Him: give my heart.

There is an impedement to my becoming a priest, although I'm not sure that I could anyway, so I could probably never offer Mass or "bring a lamb" to be sacrificed. Likewise I will not be able to preach since I'm pretty sure the same impedement applies to the diaconate, even if I do one day become wise, I will not be able to use that gift in the service of God. But there is nothing to stop me giving Him my heart which is my life and my love. I know that 'In the Bleak Midwinter' is just a relatively recent poem by Christina Rossetti, and I dont know if my interpretation is the usual one but it is what those words mean for me.

I arrived back at college this week and I knew that I had to set to working out spiritually because I had been quite lax over the holiday. I went to Mass today and the reading was from 1 Samuel chapter 3 in which 'the LORD came and stood and called as at other times, "Samuel! Samuel!" And Samuel said, "Speak, for Your servant is listening."'(10) Hearing these words at Mass helped me also to say again speak Lord, Your servant is listening.

To have courage for whatever comes in life - everything lies in that. - St. Teresa of Avila

The Spiritual and the Mundane

A couple of weeks ago I went through a short phase where I didn’t do any of my college work. I thought (at least I managed to convince myself) that I needed to devote more time to my spiritual life “and if I do have a vocation,” I thought “what’ll be the good of getting a degree?” Well that phase is mostly over now, thanks be to God!

I am reminded of something my old headmaster used say when we weren’t working as well as we should have been at school (rather optimistically, he supposed it was because we were praying too much). He used to say that in order to give glory to God, “you don’t have to go live in a cave; you just have to do your duty of state”.

I can see (at least, in theory) that God is more pleased by the small sacrifices I make every day in my ordinary, frustratingly human life. To not be able to aspire to do great things, even “in the service of God” as St. Ignatius says in a quote somewhere on this blog, is in itself a sacrifice, which gives glory to God. Doing great things only glorifies myself.

It is not the actual physical exertion that counts towards a man's progress, nor the nature of the task, but by the spirit of faith with which it is undertaken. – St. Francis Xavier

The angel of the Lord declared unto Mary: and she conceived of the Holy Spirit

And in the sixth month, the angel Gabriel was sent from God into a city of Galilee, called Nazareth, To a virgin espoused to a man whose name was Joseph, of the house of David; and the virgin's name was Mary. And the angel being come in, said unto her: Hail, full of grace, the Lord is with thee: blessed art thou among women. Who having heard, was troubled at his saying, and thought with herself what manner of salutation this should be. And the angel said to her: Fear not, Mary, for thou hast found grace with God. Behold thou shalt conceive in thy womb, and shalt bring forth a son; and thou shalt call his name Jesus. . . . The Holy Ghost shall come upon thee, and the power of the most High shall overshadow thee. And therefore also the Holy which shall be born of thee shall be called the Son of God. – [Luke 1:26-35]

How must Our Lady have felt, being told that she was to carry the God whom she had worshipped from childhood, in her womb, give birth to Him, comfort and care for Him, and doubtless at times she had to be a little bit strict. Also, Mary was well versed in sacred scripture and therefore would have known or at least have had some idea of the sufferings to come, for both her and her unborn Son. What overwhelming, beautiful feelings.

I think, during Advent and the coming Christmas season is a good time to review how I prepare to receive Our Lord in Holy Communion. Should this not be an overwhelmingly beautiful experience? To carry my very God in my own body? Yet, so often I just go and line up in the aisle because its ‘Communion time’, often with my mind on other things.

I read this passage [Luke 1] as the moment when Mary received her calling from God, I wish we knew more about her earlier life, and her response to this call is instantaneous – she conceived. I believe my own call from God came a couple of years ago and I did nothing; I’ve only just started now. Mary’s call is very direct though, so there would have been little if any discernment to be done. A while ago I couldn’t hear God at all, I prayed and prayed for Him to talk to me, it was difficult trying to hold a conversation when I didn’t get any replies.

That which God commands seems difficult and a burden. The way is rough; you draw back; you have no desire to follow it. Yet do so and you will attain glory. - Saint Anthony Mary Zaccaria

Advent

Advent begins this evening, signalling the start of the new Church year. The season of Advent with its purple vestments, is a period of penance and reconciliation in preparation for the coming into this world of Christ Our Lord.

However, Advent is not like Lent: it is a Joyful season, one of anticipation; we prepare our world to receive the King of Kings. We know we are waiting for the coming of the Son of God, but we are also joyful because without His incarnation and birth, there would be no death and resurrection, thus we anticipate our salvation. As the Advent hymn goes:

O come, Thou Key of David, come,
And open wide our heavenly home;
Make safe the way that leads on high,
And close the path to misery.

During this season, we practice a spirit of penance and mortification. We wish to greet Him worthily on Christmas Day, therefore we spend four weeks in prayer and fasting. In this “secular age”, fasting during Advent can have a secondary meaning, when people around us have pre-Christmas parties fasting during Advent can be a good way of evangelizing (although don’t overdo it!)

Something that the Bishop pointed out in his pastoral letter which was read out at Mass today, is the element of excitement during Advent. He likens it to waiting for the return of a loved one after a long period of seperation.

Advent is, so to speak, an intense training that directs us decisively toward him who already came, who will come, and who comes continuously. – Pope John Paul II

Holy Vocations: Helpful hints for fellow discerners

Yesterday I stumbled upon the Holy Vocations blog; it seems like a wonderful site (nominated for best group blog in the Catholic blog awards 2009!)It appears to be a sort of social network for people who are in the process of discerning a priestly or religious vocation; it’s very traditionally orientated as well, with the photos of an Extraordinary Form Mass being said and one of Pope St. Pius X. AND a link to the Oath Against Modernism! So I was just scrolling through it, not believing that I’d found this site (been looking for something EXACTLY like this for ages), and a particular post caught my eye.

Courtesy of For The Sake of Him:

Helpful hints for fellow discerners
Dear Brothers and Sisters in Christ,
Discernment, especially that of a call to the priesthood and/or religious life, is extremely difficult, particularly for those of us outside of a formal formation setting. To help my fellow discerners, I thought I would share a few suggestions that have been particularly helpful for me.
First, and foremost, we must remember that a call to any vocation is a call that comes from God. We live in an age of careerism, and an age that encourages individuals to ask the question "What do I want to do with my life?", rather than encouraging these people to ask "What does God want me to do with my life?". Because the call to a vocation comes from God, it is important to have a strong relationship with Him, in order to properly discern what He is asking you to do with your life. In order to come to know and love Our Lord more deeply, I make the following recommendations. The first is to set aside regular time each day to pray, at least fifteen minutes. The Liturgy of the Hours and the Rosary are prayers I highly recommend to anyone discerning a religious or priestly vocation. Lectio Divina and spiritual reading, if only for fifteen minutes a day, or a half hour a few days a week, are also very helpful.
The second recommendation I have is to attend daily Mass as many days as you can, go to confession at least once a month, and, if possible, spend at least half an hour a week in Eucharistic Adoration.
My third recommendation is to find a priest you trust, one you would feel comfortable talking to and confiding in, and ask him to be your spiritual director. If you are unfamiliar with the priests in your local area, ask a trusted Catholic friend which priest they would recommend. And, if the schedule of the priest you ask doesn't allow him to help you, ask him for a recommend a few priests who might be able to serve as your spiritual director. Spiritual direction is indispensible when discerning a vocation, and your spiritual director will help you strengthen your prayer life and discern Our Lord's will for you.
Fourth, it is crucial to remember that discernment of a call to the priesthood or religious life is a two-way street. You are discerning whether you are called to that vocation, and so is the diocese or religious order you are looking at. If you get turned down by a diocese or religious order, it's o.k. You haven't failed Our Lord, He just needs you to serve him someplace else, and He'll lead you there when the time is right.
Fifth, For those discerning whether or not you are called to a religious order, whether in the capacity of a priest, monk, religious brother, religious sister, or nun, I strongly recommend reading about the founder of that order. It helps to know something about the founder of the order when discerning whether or not you are called to serve Our Lord through that order. Be prudent in your choice of biography, however, as sometimes dissident theologians will twist the lives of the saints, particularly St. Francis. There's a biography of St. Francis written by Omer Engelbert, however, that I've read and is pretty good. G.K. Chesterton's biography of St. Francis is also good, from what I've heard, though I haven't read it yet. St. Ignatius of Loyola wrote his own autobiography, so I'd recommend that for anyone looking at the Jesuits (I once did, but determined that they're not where God is calling me).
If anyone has any questions, feel free to e-mail me.
May God bless you all abundantly.
In Christ,
For The Sake of Him (formerly LandOLakesJesuit)

I too am “outside of a formal formation setting” so I found this article helpful, thanks For The Sake of Him!

I’m doing most of these things already; some things which I am not doing, I know I should be doing them, but for whatever reason I’m not, so this article/letter serves as a reminder.
I have addressed the issue of spiritual direction previously – I really want a spiritual director, and FTSoH isn’t the first person I’ve heard/seen say that it is “indispensible”. But the fact that I’m constantly to-ing and fro-ing from home and university means that in practical terms it really isn’t possible for me to meet with a single priest regularly on a long term basis.

Let the hope of one day doing great things in the service of God not make you neglect the present moment. – St. Ignatius of Loyola

What's Next?

Ok, so I think my previous post set the scene quite nicely: I’m discerning; I’m confused about my future and what path I should take (that is, what path God wants me to take); and I am internalizing all of this. That’s partly the reason I started this blog, to air my discernment issues, even if no one is listening but God.

Now, for several weeks I have been “stuck in a rut”, so to speak. I found an order
that I was particularly drawn to, the Carmelite Monks, and I can’t seem to bring myself to start gathering information about other orders. Also, I wrote them an inquiry letter two weeks ago and decided at the time that I wouldn’t take any more ‘major steps’ until I had a reply, then I could work with that; however that reply still hasn’t come. I don’t blame anybody (except maybe Royal Mail) for the fact I haven’t yet received a reply, I’m sure the monks are busy men. But what I’m getting to is I don’t know what to do in the meantime, or how to move on in my discernment process.

Someone on the Catholic Forum (CCF) told me that talking to a spiritual director was a crucial step in the process. In York where I am currently at University, there doesn’t seem to be much opportunity for spiritual direction, all the priests seem to be rushed off their feet! Admittedly, I haven’t inquired about it. Were I in Oxford, where I live (my parental home), there would be no such problem; yes, of course some of the priests are busy some of the time – but there are so many of them!

Anyway, on to the next point: I feel I ought to make a retreat – ought to and want to! I want to start living a more religious, more disciplined life. There is a Carmelite convent here in York, Thicket Priory, I have thought about contacting them for details about retreats. I don’t know if they would allow it since I’m male. Another possibility is the Carmelite Priory in Oxford, I may be able to spend some time there on a residential or non-residential basis over the Christmas period.

God has created me to do him some definite service; He has committed some work to me which He has not committed to another. - Venerable John Henry Newman