Lately I’ve been attending daily Mass at St Wilfrid’s (the parish church) on the advice of a “friend” on the Catholic Community Forum, an online Catholic forum of which I am a member. Anyway, during the Mass today a girl about my age came in and sat in the pew next to me. Anyone else who is discerning a religious vocation will probably appreciate how much of problem members of the opposite sex can present as regards temptation and such, so I tried to concentrate on the Mass and not look at the girl. We shared the sign of peace and that was all.
However, as I left the church after Mass, I found myself thinking about her. I stopped at once when I caught myself, but then a new thought came into my head; perhaps this was God’s way of telling me I was on completely the wrong track and I wasn’t meant for the religious life at all. Perhaps he was saying that I was meant to marry, probably not that girl, but maybe marriage is my true vocation in life. Or maybe He was just trying to get me away from the idea that I had in my head of being a religious brother. I have been praying for greater clarity in the discernment of my vocation, after all.
OR ... the whole affair could be a temptation from the devil, trying to lure me away from my true vocation. But how would I know! What are the tell-tale signs?
In any case, I will continue with my inquiries into various orders, and when the time comes I will try my vocation by living with an order in a monastery – at present I’m looking into the monastic life. Then, if God really doesn’t want me to pursue that life I’m sure I’ll know.
Christ does not force our will, He only takes what we give Him. But He does not give Himself entirely until He sees that we yield ourselves entirely to Him. - St. Teresa of Avila
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