Last Post -- Thankyou!

My long absence from the blogosphere you have probably guessed that this blog is prematurely to be discontinued.

Allow me to explain. I am still discerning; I began this 'journal', if you will, because I had no-one I felt I could talk to about my vocation and discernment of it (and may I say at this point, should anybody ever stumble upon this post, it is imperative to talk about your discernment -- preferably with a spiritual director, but if not just talk .. to someone). So I put my thoughts in blog-posts and you answered some of my questions. I couldn't be more grateful -- from what I have seen so far, the initial question is the hardest part of the discernment process.

However I have now moved forward in my discernment; you -- by your kind encouragements and advice -- helped over the first hurdle, but now I must go it alone. That might sound a little melodramatic, but what I mean is, I now have a spiritual director and am in correspondence with the prior of the Carmelite community I hope to join.

(Sorry for any cheesiness) but can I once again, thank everybody who has read these posts -- I didn't expect anyone to -- thanks to those who commented, or even prayed! I assure you, it wasn't in vain!

Its been so long since my regular posts here, I can hardly expect anyone to read this; but I didn't want to leave it without expressing my apreciation which is so great words can't decribe, so I'll sign off with one final quotation:

Prayer is a cry of gratitude and love, in the midst of trial as well as in joy. - St. Therese of the Child Jesus and the Holy Face

Happy Christmas, New Year, and Epiphany

Sorry I havn't written in ages; I went home for Christmas so while I was at home I wasn't on the computer very much except to do work. I wanted to thank you for the encouragement you have given me. Oakenknight, your last comment was very helpful, thankyou for telling me that its Ok to go slowly. By the way, yes I do wear the Scapular, its how I first found out about the Carmelites. Regarding spiritual direction, I've seen my priest once he is in Oxford but he says I can email or phone while I am away. When I go back I'll see him again. I asked about retreats but he said he'd look into it, thanks for the tip about Worth Abbey I'll check it out.
Brent (Fr Brent?): thanks for your advice and prayers, and congratulation on your ordination (better late than never).

So anyway, being at home it wasn't just that I never got on the computer, while I was there there were so many distractions that the whole business about vocations went to the back of my mind. I did think about it a little bit especially when we sung the words to the carol 'In the Bleak Midwinter' at midnight Mass:

What can I give Him, poor as I am?
If I were a shepherd, I would bring a lamb;
If I were a Wise Man, I would do my part;
Yet what I can I give Him: give my heart.

There is an impedement to my becoming a priest, although I'm not sure that I could anyway, so I could probably never offer Mass or "bring a lamb" to be sacrificed. Likewise I will not be able to preach since I'm pretty sure the same impedement applies to the diaconate, even if I do one day become wise, I will not be able to use that gift in the service of God. But there is nothing to stop me giving Him my heart which is my life and my love. I know that 'In the Bleak Midwinter' is just a relatively recent poem by Christina Rossetti, and I dont know if my interpretation is the usual one but it is what those words mean for me.

I arrived back at college this week and I knew that I had to set to working out spiritually because I had been quite lax over the holiday. I went to Mass today and the reading was from 1 Samuel chapter 3 in which 'the LORD came and stood and called as at other times, "Samuel! Samuel!" And Samuel said, "Speak, for Your servant is listening."'(10) Hearing these words at Mass helped me also to say again speak Lord, Your servant is listening.

To have courage for whatever comes in life - everything lies in that. - St. Teresa of Avila