Ok, so I think my previous post set the scene quite nicely: I’m discerning; I’m confused about my future and what path I should take (that is, what path God wants me to take); and I am internalizing all of this. That’s partly the reason I started this blog, to air my discernment issues, even if no one is listening but God.
Now, for several weeks I have been “stuck in a rut”, so to speak. I found an order
that I was particularly drawn to, the
Carmelite Monks, and I can’t seem to bring myself to start gathering information about other orders. Also, I wrote them an inquiry letter two weeks ago and decided at the time that I wouldn’t take any more ‘major steps’ until I had a reply, then I could work with that; however that reply still hasn’t come. I don’t blame anybody (except maybe Royal Mail) for the fact I haven’t yet received a reply, I’m sure the monks are busy men. But what I’m getting to is I don’t know what to do in the meantime, or how to move on in my discernment process.
Someone on the Catholic Forum (CCF) told me that talking to a spiritual director was a crucial step in the process. In York where I am currently at University, there doesn’t seem to be much opportunity for spiritual direction, all the priests seem to be rushed off their feet! Admittedly, I haven’t inquired about it. Were I in Oxford, where I live (my parental home), there would be no such problem; yes, of course some of the priests are busy some of the time – but there are so many of them!
Anyway, on to the next point: I feel I ought to make a retreat – ought to and want to! I want to start living a more religious, more disciplined life. There is a Carmelite convent here in York,
Thicket Priory, I have thought about contacting them for details about retreats. I don’t know if they would allow it since I’m male. Another possibility is the Carmelite Priory in Oxford, I may be able to spend some time there on a residential or non-residential basis over the Christmas period.
God has created me to do him some definite service; He has committed some work to me which He has not committed to another. - Venerable John Henry Newman